Get Smart Flashback
by Thor2000
Summary: A flashback to Colonel Robert Hogan in Stalag 13 during World War Two reveals the story of Agent 99's father and the mystery of her real name.
1. Get Smart Flashback

In 1974 with Nixon resigning and Ford now as president, there was a big shake-up in the government. KAOS was barely active and rumors were that it was falling apart. With more and more Control agents lent out to the FBI and CIA, the government was talking again of closing down Control permanently. The Chief of Control and several of his best agents were in attendance to see where they would be going.

"Agent 86," The Attorney General led much of the proceedings. "Please tell this court why on June 9, 1969 you emptied your gun into the back of a fleeing KAOS agent."

"He wouldn't stop." Smart answered as Agent 99 and the Chief both held their embarrassed faces in the interrogation. "I mean they were all warning shots. Would you believe I'm an advocate for gun control?"

"Dismissed." The frustrated Attorney General rolled his eyes.  
Maxwell Smart grinned to himself as the Congressional Board looked down on him. One of them was taking aspirin by the bulk after his testimony.

"We got them on the run, Chief." Max sat down.

"Thanks, Max." The Control Director saw himself forced into early retirement.

"Agent 99 to the stand."

"Knock them dead, 99." Smart grinned as his wife stood and strided over to the stand. Taking the oath, she sat down, tossed her dark hair to one side and looked across to the Attorney General.

"For the record," He began. "State your name."

"Agent 99."

"No, I meant your name."

"Agent 99."

One of the judges lifted up a huge jar marked aspirins and popped one if the pills into his mouth.

"Your honor," Thaddeus H. Clark, the chief of Control stood. "Her name is technically 99. However, for civilian purposes, we gave her the name Susan Hilton."

"What?" One of the judges shifted his files. Reaching one marked Agent 99, he opened it and read it. "Oh, ohhhhhhhhhhh..." He understood now. Smart shared a glance with his chief. He thought he was finally going to hear his wife's real name as one of the judges checked his watch.

"Attorney General," He started. "Because of the time, let's adjourn now for lunch now and take Mrs. Smart's testimony afterward. Court adjourned."

Agent 99 stepped down from the stand and fondly took her husband's arm as the gavel was pounded. Max looked deeply into her eyes a minute. Every time he looked upon her, he fell in love with her again.

"Susan isn't your name?" He replied.

"No, Max," She replied. "I've told you that before."

"Then what is it."

"I don't know." She responded dreamily nostalgic and walked away.

"She doesn't know?" Max looked confused and turned to the Chief. "She doesn't know?"

"Apparently she doesn't know." Clark mumbled back.


	2. Chapter 2

2

After the hearing adjourned for the day, Max and 99 headed back to their apartment. He was a little curious as to why 99 didn't know her name as they continued talking about it from the hearing and through their front door.

"99, this is ridiculous." Max continued. "I knew my parents were forgetful, but your parents are amnesiacs."

"Max," She unlocked the door. "It's a very long story and I'm not even sure how much of it is true." She pushed the door open and shrieked. Larabee had been tied bound and gagged to the coat rack in the middle of the room with toys scattered everywhere.

"Larabee, did the twins do this?" Max asked.

"Yes," He replied as they untied him. "I made the mistake of playing cowboys and Indians with them and they tied me up. I turned my back on them for a second. A second!!!"

"I'm so sorry, Larabee," 99 helped him. "Where are they now?"

"Who knows?" He rubbed his arms to get the blood going again. "No offense, 99, but remember I said I'd be a babysitter anytime you needed me. Forget it!!!"

"You make them sound like little monsters." Max replied.

"Monsters you can reason with." Larabee grabbed his coat. "Your kids need a whip and a chair!" He gasped a bit to be free and hurried out to get back to his life. He even looked around a bit to make sure the little monsters were not about to drop on him from the ceiling.

"I wonder if we could get Siegfried and Schtarker to baby-sit?" Max wondered out loud.

"Max!" 99 took offense.

"The twins could get them to go straight where we never could." Max chuckled as 99 began picking up her children's toys and dumping them in a toy chest against the wall as she looked around for her little angels.

"What were we talking about?" Max mumbled a second. "Oh yeah, your real name. You weren't named 99 when you were born. What were you called in school?"

"I didn't attend school." 99 looked in the kitchen and around the bar. "I was taught by tutors and a government agent until I was 18. I was schooled especially to be a government agent."

"You were?!" Max made a look as he pulled out a cigarette. "What did they call you?"

"99." He chorused the answer along with her as she answered.

"I was exactly 99 centimeters tall as a kid for a while." She answered. "I guess they thought it was cute."

"But what's your name on your birth certificate?" Max followed her up the stairs as they peeked in the nursery and saw their little pre-schoolers asleep on the floor with the cookie jar between them and broken cookies scattered around them amongst emptied potato chip bags and an emptied milk bottle.

"Max," She picked up her limp little boy as he stirred a bit. "Would you like to hear the full story?"

"Yes, I would." Max picked up his daughter as she sleepily looked up to him with two big blue eyes.

"Well," Max balanced her boy on her hip. "I'm not sure of the real story, and I'm not sure of some of the facts so it might seem a little mixed up, but from what I've been able to figure out, it begins around my father................"


	3. Chapter 3

3

It was Germany of 1945. A short madman held Western Europe in fear and a so-called Third Reich became convinced it was the on the onset of a thousand year reign. Within a hundred years, weapons had become much more violent and mortal man had taken to the air in flying crafts and the sea in huge metal shells. Many POWS had no idea how the war was going or how long it might continue. The local commandant of one German POW camp rushed out as a sedan with Gestapo markings leading an empty truck came into the stalag near Hammelburg. Rows of prisoners in dirty and torn uniforms stood tiredly watching the arriving spectacle as the vehicles parked before the commandants office and quarters.

"Welcome to Stalag 13!" Colonel Wilhelm Klink saluted and hailed the arriving two majors with the regular Nazi heil. "May I just say how what an honor it is..."

"No, you may not!!" The shorter-tempered man with the monocle snapped. "I am Major Konrad Von Siegfried and my aide, Major Wilhelm Von Nine. Are your prisoners lined up as I requested?!"

"Ja vol, mein major," Klink stuck his cane under his arm as he cowered behind the two majors. "But I don't understand. What would the Gestapo want with..."

"It is not your business to understand, dumkopf." Siegfried snapped back. "It is however in your best interest to stay out of my way!!" They stood before the lined up prisoners. They were an odd menagerie of American, British and French officers from various military outfits. No two uniforms looked alike of the few intact, many were wearing torn and dirty uniforms that barely fit. A few men even appeared in better shape than any other captured POW officer in Germany.

"Prisoners," Siegfried shouted to them. "For the last five years, there has been more sabotage and espionage and agents lost in this area of Germany than any other part of Germany....."

"And what does that have to do with us?" Head POW Colonel Robert E. Hogan spoke up. As he did, Siegfried sent a glance to his aide who struck the American Colonel up side the head with the butt of his pistol. The other prisoners protested with screams and shouts at the offense.

"Now, any other wise questions?" Siegfried added. "I hope you like my aide. Because of his temper, he has been called 'The Condor.'"

"Prisoners," Von Nine spoke in a weird little Ronald Colman voice. "We will be taking..." The prisoners began laughing at his voice, first the short French corporal and then the rest of them. Laughing, guffawing, chortling He would not stand for this. Von Nine gritted his teeth in disgust realizing to what they were laughing and pulled out his gun to shoot into the air. Three shots rendered the air and the men drew silent. Von Nine meant business firing those shots. A large bird dropped by the shots fell out of the sky near Staff Sergeant Hans Schultz.

"I am not joking." He watched them snap to attention. "Now, as I call your names, get into the truck. Forget anything you may want, just get into the truck."

"What if we don't want to go?" Hogan added.

"Then you'll be shot as escaping prisoners." Siegfried held up his gun.

"Colonel Robert Hogan" Von Nine read his list. "Corporal Peter Newkirk, Corporal Louis LeBeau, Sergeant Andrew Newkirk, Sergeant Richard Baker, Sergeant James Kinchloe..........." No man came on the last name.

"Vas ist this Kinchloe." Siegfried asked Klink.

"He was transferred a few months ago to Stalag 5 for being outside the wire." Klink answered. "Major, I don't understand. Why take prisoners instead of saboteurs?"

"That ist our business!" Siegfried instructed a few Gestapo men to guard the prisoners. Hogan paused long enough and looked over one German soldier's head to Air Force Lieutenant Paul Stoddard. Taking the hint, Stoddard turned into Hogan's barracks silently to follow his secret orders. As the truck started, Stoddard had a weird premonition that they would not be back.

"Where are they going?" Staff Sergeant Hans Schultz asked Klink.

"How would I know that?" Klink sneered back to him as confused as he was. "We're in enough trouble!" He huffed out of ego and turned away. His mouth hanging open, Schultz looked back afraid he'd never see his best friends, especially the little one who made the strudel.

"Miss you, Cockroach"


	4. Chapter 4

4

Some time ago, James Kinchloe was wandering Stalag 5 trying to avoid Colonel Crittenden. Now, he was a prisoner of the Gestapo somewhere outside Berlin as the Allies bombed and fought their way into the city. Rumors were the Allied front was in Berlin. The war could be winding down and all the Stalags were at alert. After the attempt several months ago on his life, Hitler had grown even more paranoid. The sergeant knew the Gestapo were capturing everyong both innocent and guilty who were remotely connected to the crime. That had to be what left to his capture. Kept in a cold cell barely five feet by ten feet, all he had was a small broken pipe to communicate with Baker, the electronics expert who had replaced him at Stalag 13.

"Who ratted us out?" He whispered.

"I don't know." Baker whispered back. "But whoever it was sure got us good."

"Where's Colonel Hogan?"

From down the hall, they heard Major Siegfried yelling at the top of his lungs in a large cell converted into an interrogation room. Von Nine stood by watching along with two nameless guards holding rifles on Hogan sitting at a table.

"Maybe you tell us about the Dorfmann Bridge, ya." Siegfried continued. "It was bombed by a man who looked just like you, a man we cannot find who does not exist. Very suspicious...."

"Hogan, Robert E., Colonel, Serial Number 136...."

"Ya, ya, ya" Siegfried interrupted him. "We have all that. You have told us that eighty-six times, but now we want the truth! We know you have been doing espionage and sabotage and helping the underground. Admit it and you will be given a short and painless execution."

"Hogan, Robert E..."

"Nein! Nein! Nein!" Siegfried began pounding the table and cursing in incoherent German as Von Nine stepped forward.

"Siegfried, " Von Nine spoke in his little Ronald Colman voice. "This is Germany. We do not use those words here. Just leave me alone with him for ten minutes."

"Good!" Siegfrieds eyes glazed with anger as he gestured to the guards. "And try to keep the screams down. I don't want to get the other prisoners excited."

"Ja." They heiled each other as Von Nine was left alone with Hogan. As he looked down on the American Colonel, Hogan looked up silently and indifferently with his cap tilted back at an angle.

"You're lucky." Von Nine started. "He's not as crazy as his son Ludwig in the infantry." He removed his hat and gloves and threw them down to the table. Placing his monocle aside, he leaned close to colonel. "I turned you into the Gestapo." His voice changed to normal.

"Hogan, Robert E..."

"Colonel?!" Von Nine whispered in a subdued voice. "I'm an American Counter-agent. I was sent to work in the German government before the war. I even have a little girl back in the states. I've been altering the Gestapo files on you to save your life. I turned you in because Major Wolfgang Hochstetter had orders to kill you and your men should the Allies take Berlin!"

"How can I believe you?!"

"How can you not?!" Von Nine glared back to him. "The coffee pot and your plans at the camp. They'll need to be destroyed."

"Done." Hogan followed his gut and rose and listened at the door. "I had orders to my men that if I was ever grabbed to have them destroyed."

"Good." Von Nine stepped back as Hogan turned back to him. "To save the lives of you and your life, do not question anything I say or do. It is all to your benefit." They heard the footsteps returning earlier than usual. Von Nine wrapped his arms behind Hogan and put him in a death grip that had Hogan choking for air.

"You will tell me what I want to know!" He did his Ronald Colman voice again for the benefit of Siegfried. "Talk!!"

"You couldn't have given me some screaming." Siegfried watched as the American officer dropped to the floor. "When it got so quiet I became worried."

"I have my methods." Von Nine continued. "Lock him up without any food or water. I am convinced he is the saboteur we want!!!"


	5. Chapter 5

5

Hogan wasn't sure what was happening as he and his men were rounded up into the conference room at the end of the hall. Von Nine, if he could be trusted or not was in attendance, along with Major Siegfried and a few guards as Hogan and his men were ousted into the room as cattle and lined up along the wall.

"Listen up," Siegfried yelled in his heavy German accent. He rolled out a paper and held it up in front of him. "As per these orders, the prisoners from Stalag 13 are to be executed as escaped prisoners caught in the presence of suspected saboteurs. Don't take this in a wrong way, this is just my job."

The men gasped as they looked to each other. So this was how it ended.

"Ein!" The Nazi guards raised their guns.

"Zwei!" They aimed and put their fingers on the triggers. Hogan looked at Von Nine. He stared back as a dutiful and determined Gestapo officer.

"Fire!" Something exploded at the same sign as the guns. The room was filled with smoke as Siegfried lost his dropped monocle. The execution squad continued firing through the smoke from the hidden bomb as Von Nine waved his arms trying to see through it.

"Seize firing!!!" He yelled as he ran to the bodies of Hogan as his men. He felt to the wall and reached down. They were not here!! "Escape!! Do not let them get away!!"

An alarm rang throughout the old jail. Siegfried was yelling in German profanity as Von Nine grabbed his gun and raced down the hall. Rushing into the street, he panned the faces of the few people in the town square and raced down the street to the bridge were he scuffed his boots down the rocky embankment into the shallow creek. The men were just barely crawling out of the sewer tunnel that ran under the jail.

"Back in, back in" He yelled.

"What now?" Hogan was last down the gutter. "Thanks for telling me about the pipe under the room, but we're wanted men now. We need to make it to our escape route to England."

"Not yours, mine." Von Nine advised him. "Take the sewer to the wharfs and put on the Gestapo uniforms stored in an empty tavern. Find a ship called The Java Queen. It was captured last week and release it with the orders within the Major's coat. The Captain is Dutch, he'll return you to England."

"Colonel," Newkirk spoke up. "How far can we trust this bird?"

"I don't know." Hogan forced his men deeper into the sewer. It stretched for miles and the first sign of light did come from the wharfs on the river. Newkirk scouted for the tavern and secreted the men into it. The orders Hogan needed to secure the Java Queen were in a briefcase along with obtained espionage files stolen from the Allies. Impersonating the Gestapo, Hogan and his men walked past Luftwaffe guards and confronted the captain.

"Captain Arnold Clark," Hogan mustered his best German accent as Le Beau and Newkirk posed as adjutants. "Take us out to sea." He noticed the young boy on the captain's bridge. "Who is this?"

"My son, Thaddeus." The captain of the Java Queen reported. "He stays with me."

"Not a problem." Hogan stood at the ready. "As long as you don't make one."

"Where am I going?" Clark asked.

"Out to sea for now." Le Beau answered. The escape was going okay for now. The nervous tension could be cut with a knife as father looked to son.

"Thaddeus," Captain Clark looked to his boy. "Never join the military. Get a nice government job."

"Right, pop."

"Colonel," Carter stuck his head in. "We need you in the galley." Hogan left Le Beau and Newkirk on the bridge as he headed down. Passing through the door in the bulkhead, he noticed Von Nine on board as the ship headed out to sea.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Funny thing," Siegfried's voice came behind him. "I was about to ask you the same thing." Hogan turned round and stared at the smirking face of the blonde officer.

"I think I'm on the wrong boat..." He mumbled.


	6. Chapter 6

6

Siegfried wasted no time collecting Hogan and his crew and locking them up in the hold of the ship. He and Von Nine clinked their wine glasses in the steward's lounge of the ship as they boasted of their success.

"Catching Hogan and his men in Gestapo outfits is better than a confession." He toasted. "Now I know they are underground agents."

"Ya, ya," Von Nine hovered over the briefcase he had taken from them. "And now for the pe'ice de résistance." He motioned to Siegfried. "We set explosives for the ship to explode as soon as it ports at an Allied base and let his men take the blame. Embarrass the Allies for the sinking of a civilian ship and ruin Hogan and his men before the world."

"Brilliant!!" Siegfried slammed his glass down and shattered it on the table. "The Allies will disavow all knowledge of the incident of course and even if Hogan and his men survive, they will be ruined!!"

"Ya, ya," Von Nine finished his drink. "Now, my friend, I must set the explosives myself. You have our boat readied for us to leave and return to the Fatherland."

"Heil Hitler!!"

"Heil Hitler!" Von Nine saluted and turned down toward the hold where Hogan and his men were being kept. Hogan looked up through the bars on his door and shot him a dirty look.

"Well," he grumbled. "You sure got us good. To think I believed you."

"I told you to not question anything I said." Von Nine continued. "I made you wanted, now I'll make you dead. The German High Command won't look for you if they think you're dead."

"Boy, he's got gall!" Carter yelled.

"Colonel," Newkirk yelled. "Let me pick the lock. Just to get my hands on his neck!"

"Hold it, hold it!" Hogan looked back. "How do we get out of this?"

"Your man picks the lock," Von Nine revealed. "You and the crew desert the ship before the explosive goes off."

"Explosive?" LeBeau looked alarmed.

"You warn the Allies of the bomb on board before it reaches port," Von Nine continued. "German High Command thinks you're dead as you row for England."

"Colonel?" Kinchloe looked to Hogan.

"Okay," Hogan made another uneasy choice. "But you're really making this hard!"

"War is ugly." Von Nine saluted Hogan and turned back. Hogan turned and saw the faces of his team crowded in the hold.

"Sir," Baker looked pessimistic. "Can you trust him this time?"

"I don't know." Hogan pointed Newkirk to the door. "He puts on a good act."


	7. Chapter 7

7

Sergeant Newkirk grinned as he picked the lock on the hold of the ship. He beamed back to his Colonel as they entered the hall.

"Colonel," he started. "Give me a gun. I'll plug that Kraut major with one shot."

"No," Hogan turned to Carter "Carter, go down and try to defuse the explosive. Take Baker. Kinchloe, sneak into the radio room and try to get the Allies. Newkirk, take LeBeau and find a boat unless there's trouble. Don't wait for me."

"Yes, sir." His men left him behind as he secreted his way back on deck. It was night and the unsettled sea choked and struck the bow with intimidating force. Newkirk and LeBeau were off finding a boat as he peeked in a porthole. Von Nine and Siegfried were drinking sherry in the lounge as they boasted on their success. Hogan watched them carefully as they talked of plans after the war and drank the captain's sherry. For a second, he thought Von Nine had noticed him, but instead the German major grinned and toasted Siegfried. Straining to hear their conversation, Hogan heard other noises and turned to Carter and Baker coming up the dark gangway of the ship behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Hogan looked them over. "Did you get the bomb defused?"

"Colonel," Baker started. "We can't defuse the bomb."

"It's got a defective timer." Carter revealed. "Jostling it or moving it could make it explode. In fact, I could blow up just by looking at it."

"That's great!" Hogan mumbled. "Just great! Get Kinchloe and find Newkirk with the boat. Leave me behind, and that's an order!"

"Yes, sir." Hogan started to make his move. He moved around a vent hurriedly and tripped over a rope on the deck. They must have heard him now. Von Nine and Siegfried broke from their camaraderie and rushed out with pistols in hand. They stared down to him.

"Colonel Hogan," Siegfried spoke. "Is there a problem with your cell?"

"Yes," Hogan froze as he clutched the deck. "It's too drafty. Another thing, your bomb is going to go off too soon."

"He's lying." Von Nine jostled the Allies' briefcase in his hand. There was a sudden explosion as the deck slanted up and the ship turned on its side. Hogan's men clutched the railing and tasted seawater as Siegfried slid to the end of the shattered deck. The briefcase tore from Von Nine's wrist and slid toward the end of the tilting deck. The engines in the belly of the wounded ship made odd noises from the strain in the hull as ocean water rushed into the craft.

"Wilhelm!" Siegfried screamed as he clutched the case and went overboard with it. His hand grabbed at the twisted railing as he slid past it. Von Nine cursed in German as Hogan's men clung to the side as they tried to retrieve their colonel. He gazed to them as he saw Siegfried stuck in the damage of the sinking ship. The waves of the tumultuous sea were raising and rolling as the floundering ship began sinking bow first.

"I must save him!" Von Nine screamed. "He's my best friend!"

"No!" Hogan yelled. "Come with us! We can return you to your daughter in the states!"

"Nein!" Von Nine hit Hogan over the head with his pistol and pushed him to his men. "Get your colonel out of here! I'm saving Konrad!"

"To each his own!" Newkirk watched Von Nine tie the rigging rope around his body and slid down the slanting deck. It was like walking on a roof as he braced on the distorted steel railing and then gripped Siegfried's hand. His legs were dangling in the water as he hung on to the sinking ship in his uniform. The screaming engines were making a loud screeching noise as that of a wounded prehistoric reptile. The sea and craft buckled and trembled under them in the cold North Sea while flames licked and danced their way out of the hull.

"Wilhelm!" He looked to him. "You are my friend!"

"Forget the briefcase!" Von Nine wasn't speaking with his Ronald Colman voice now. He was screaming urgently in his real voice. "Give me your other hand!"

"There's something I must tell you!"

"Don't tell me you set another bomb on board!" Von Nine screamed over the buckling ship and crackling flames.

"I put another bomb near the gas tanks!"

"I asked you not to tell me that!"

Hogan barely had his bearings as another explosion threw the boat with his men and the Java Queen's crew into the water. The bright yellow explosion lit them up in the dark waves and very briefly turned the dark night sky into day. Captain Clark and Sergeant Newkirk were there to pull him into their bare boat while LeBeau huddled with the captain's son. Nearly capsizing from the force, Hogan rubbed his head and looked back at the moonlight on the rolling sea as the last glimmering silhouette of the ship sank beneath the waters of the North Atlantic!

"There's goes the nicest Kraut I never met…"


	8. Chapter 8

8

"99, that's some story." Smart was almost in bed as his wife finished adjusting her hair. "Your father was a counter-agent during the war, and worked with Siegfried's father! How does all that affect you now?"

"A lot, Max." She sprayed her hair with hairspray. "My father died in the line of duty as a German agent, and because of the military protocol at the time, his real name and identity along with my birth certificate was sealed up in the government archives. It was all to protect my mother and I from retaliation."

"Oh, I see..." Max thought a minute. "But still, the war was a long time ago. When is it dated to be released?"  
"March 15..."

"March 15!" Max became excited. "That's only a few months away."

"2050."

"2050!" Max noticed the look of regret in her eyes as she slid into bed by him and dropped her head into the pillow. She sighed out loud as her eyes rolled back into her head ready to go to sleep.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, 99." He stroked her bare shoulder and kissed it. "But there's one other thing. The briefcase your father wanted to protect. What ever happened to it?"

"Probably lost at the bottom of the ocean, Max."

Several hundred miles away in the South Pacific, a skinny young man in his early twenties wearing a red shirt and sailor hat was fishing with his buddy in the lagoon of the island that was his temporary home. He pulled and reeled on the line as he expected a fish, but instead noticed his line had dragged the bottom and pulled something else up.

"Hey, Skipper, look what I got." The young man replied. "I think it's a fish." He turned to another figure digging a pit.

"Shaped like that?" His best friend responded in disbelief at his childlike naivety. He ambled up to the waterline and took a look.

"Could be a box lunch?" The young man grinned jokingly.

"Let's see what it is." The overweight captain in the skipper's cap and blue shirt mumbled under his breath and did a little Oliver Hardy grimace before taking the line and unhooking it. He pulled the seaweed off and noticed the handcuffs on the handle and government insignia on the waterlogged case.

"Gilligan, do you realize what you have?" The skipper grinned. "Some government agent lost this, and when he comes looking for it, we'll be rescued!"

"Rescued?" Gilligan jumped up in surprise. "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh..." He headed for camp and ran forward blindly and excitedly into a palm tree.

"Gilligan, look out for the…!"

KNOCK!

"…Tree." Captain Jonas Grumby removed his cap, palmed his white hair back and looked around toward an invisible audience.

END


End file.
